Leave a Light On

I don’t know what I can do. But I really want to do something for the victims of the earthquakes. Seeing the children who have lost their parents and the families who have lost their homes, how can one be not moved? I think it should be time that we stop and look around us – things that we crave for all the time suddenly don’t seem important anymore.

Maybe you can say that I’ve changed my perspective to life, but then again, would it be more meaningful to be able to make someone happy or comfort someone in distress than to be counting the dollar bills at home? Some people prefer to chase for things like financial freedom or materialistic things, but for me, I’ll choose to make other people happy.

Call me crazy, but I do not believe that having more money would make me a happier man. I never quite believed in that before, and after whatever that has happened this feeling gets even stronger. So people who try to sell me things that claim to lead me to financial freedom or whatever, you can save your breath.

Of Earthquakes, Tsunamis and Visual Basic

I’m sure everyone’s been reading the news and realised that the earthquake in Indonesia has killed a lot of people. I don’t think anyone can ever feel pleased about such a tragedy. It really made me feel that us humans are really so helpless in the face of mother nature. We can spend so much of our time, energy and effort to chase for material things and all it takes is an earthquake and a couple of tsunamis and everything’s gone. Having such a catastrophe really let me realise that whatever and whoever you love can be so cruelly taken away from you the next moment and there’s not a damn thing in the world you can do about it, so what I say is cherish whatever you have, cos for all you know, they are not yours the next moment you blink your eye. I think when I return from Shanghai it would be time that I start to take up volunteer work and help those people who are less fortunate than me. I’ve been thinking of doing it all along and never quite have the time nor the determination to do it, but a catastrophe like that has made me feel that there are people out there who need our help, and I should do my best to help in whatever way I can.

Yesterday’s orientation was OK, I guess. After the whole thing the lot of us FOCC people went to Munchie Monkey for dinner. All I can say is that the service of the staffs and the quality of the food are inversely proportionate to the price we paid. I don’t think I’d go back there in a hurry.

Spent today in school for nu(studios)’s film camp. I think I had quite a bit of fun at the camp, shooting a so-called comedy. I guess my so-called creativity came into good use today.

Of course whatever time that was in between was spent doing my programming project. Honestly I wasn’t really in the mood to do them, especially so yesterday because I didn’t know if my relatives in Indonesia were safe as communication links were pretty fragile (they are all OK now, so I don’t have to worry anymore), but then again, I’ve got no choice. The project seems to be getting harder and harder, and I’ve been cracking my brain to try to solve a lot of the problems. It doesn’t help when I’ve got no one to turn to when I encounter a problem. And when that happens, I can tell you, you really get demoralised. My Christmas holiday has been dedicated to the project, and it looks as if my New Year holiday would be gone as well.

Sometimes I really wonder what I should do. As much as I want to have someone to take care of, I’m sure that I’m not that needed. Besides, I’m not even confident of taking care of myself yet, so how can I even make the promise of taking care of someone else? Of course I can try, but I don’t want to end up hurting people. Besides, I think I’m hopeless in trying to comfort or console people… hahaha…

Or maybe I’m just thinking too much, as usual.

More Visual Basic… Argh.

Boxing Day. For me it’s another day of programming. Didn’t manage to get much done up – probably because I’m too frustrated to be even doing it in the first place. Sometimes you really need a good environment and a good mood to be doing programming – I had neither. My room is always too hot and of course the mood was never good in the first place. I guess the Comp Club office would be a much better place. At least the environment is good with the air-con and all, and I think that makes up for whatever bad mood there is.

Would be in school tomorrow. I think I’ll let the rest of the FOCC to be running the show while I hide somewhere to continue my project. I’m sure the rest of the committee can do a good job – it’s a good start for them anyway.

Rashes may be indication of something more serious, so make sure you keep track of your health. If there’s anything funny appearing in these few days please go and see a doctor. And of course, have faith that everything will be alright. Sometimes situation may seem to be otherwise, but to be able to feel confident is as good as solving half the problem.

Christmas!

The day has been pretty low-key for me. Kinda took a break after these few days of intensive programming. Played a bit on my PS2 and my laptop. Also went for Isaac’s barbecue in the evening. Nothing much to do – but of course the whole day is all about getting my results. My results were due to be released at 9, but the tension kinda made me unable to maintain my sleeping mode till 8. So I woke up, watched a bit of telly and basically waited for time to pass.

I guess I did pretty well, or should I say above expectation. I didn’t fail any module, didn’t even get the D that I was expecting. Instead the lowest grade I had for this semester is a B. I’ve got quite a pleasant shock to say the lest and I should be happy with such results. Considering that I’ve played way too much this semester, I must say that I’m pretty lucky to have gotten the grades that I’ve got. I’m just grateful that all the Mambo this semester did not pull my results down. I know I won’t be that lucky all the time. I definitely rode a bit of my luck this time round, and I really have to get my act together to make sure my results stay that way – I’m knocking on the door of a second upper honours.

This is definitely a day of mixed feelings for a lot of people. For those of you who have done well, congrats and keep up the good work; while for those who didn’t do too well, look on the bright side of life and I’m sure things will start to go your way in the coming semester. Results, after all, do not really determine how smart a person is.

Have a great Boxing Day.

886

Went to school early to do some preparation for the Orienatation on Monday. Spent about an hour plus folding paper, stapling booklets, etc etc. Lunch was at Science Canteen with Rena. Sometimes I really don’t understand what that girl is thinking. Haha.

Spent the afternoon working on the programming project. Still stuck. It really is a pain to be depended so heavily for the success of the project. I don’t even think that I’m a good programmer, but then again Visual Basic isn’t really that difficult. It really sucks to have a programming project on the top of my priority list while everyone else is doing everything else this festive season. It’s just not fair.

Results will be out in less than 9 hours’ time. I have a feeling that I’ll not do well. But whatever it is, Merry Christmas!

Walk.

Thanks Rena, for enduring an agonizing 4 hours with me. The gig was good. The walk to Clementi was especially fun! 🙂

Though I’m indeed a bit tired after the walk. But then again, I need it.

In any case I had a pretty long day today. In school since 9 to settle the Co-op project. I was trying to present whatever I’ve done to the Co-Op staffs, and apparently I have no idea of what they are talking about and similarly they have no idea what I was trying to do. So it all made for a very uneasy morning & early afternoon at the Co-Op. Chances are I’ll spend the Christmas period doing the project. It sucks to be a programmer sometimes.

Went over to Comp Club after that and did more work, but this time it was for Club. Got the Orientation Survival Guide and the UNIX Workshop notes printed out after they have been done nicely by people in my FOCC committee. Tried to help a bit with the SOC Christmas Gig (though my effort had been minimal) – the gig was really great, I think. I definitely have enjoyed myself, and I think it’s nice to see even lecturers coming to watch the gig and have some fun. I’m already looking forward to the next one.

Spent some time at Club office before going to Clementi. I still don’t believe I walked there! But at least the walk was made more interesting with Rena around. If it was just me alone I don’t think I would have taken the trouble. As usual, the two of us always conjure to tease each other though as always I have the upper hand. Well, I hope the night has been enjoyable for her as much as it has been for me.

Would be going back to school tomorrow morning to continue working on the Co-Op project. Christmas eve to be spent in Comp Club – hardly the best idea to celebrate the festive season, but I’m sure I won’t be the only one in the Club office.

The post-overseas-holiday syndrome is subsiding very quickly. Thank you all for your concern. It’s difficult to imagine without having you guys around me. I’m sure I’ll miss the whole lot of you when I go over to Shanghai.

Goo.

I woke up at 10.30 today, much to my pleasure. It has been a long time since I had a good sleep like that.

The day had been hectic for me though. I spent the morning checking and replying emails, and then went out for lunch with Sis at Seoul Garden. After lunch it was back home to do the programming project that I am owing the Co-Op. The next 8 hours were then spent in front of my laptop as I struggle to get the project out. I’ve finished some important parts already, now I’m left with some other parts which I guess might take me over the Christmas holidays to get it completed. I’m sure I can do it.

So as you can see, I didn’t go to school today at all, and I didn’t go for the Christmas celebration at PGP. If I didn’t have this programming project I’d definitely made my way down. But then again, sometimes you just don’t have the luxury of time. I’m sure this won’t be the last time that they are having such celebrations and there definitely would be something similar for new year. That said, I’ve been crazily busy for the past 3 days and it doesn’t look as if I’m going to get a rest until the new year. Do I not like that?

But whatever it is, I’ll definitely be in school tomorrow because I need to meet the folks at the Co-Op (and see how much of a tongue lashing I’ll get from them for such a horribly long delay), and then there will be a SOC Christmas Gig at S16 Foyer in the evening. The good thing is that I can spend the day in school doing my project, but the bad thing is that with such an extended day out, I really need to be watching my spendings. I’ve already spent enough for my Hong Kong trip, now it’s time to save up for my Shanghai trip.

Deposited the $50 required for my next lot of the Economic Restructuring Shares – I’m looking forward to pocketing $400 next year. That would mean that either I can buy a new phone, or have $400 more to spend at Shanghai for the initial period. That surely is a great thought. Haha.

Anyone willing to buy me a Nokia 6230?

Looking out of the window

I think the best way to deal with this kind of post-overseas-holiday syndrome is to talk to people. Spending the day at Comp Club office yesterday was good in a sense that I was able to talk to my group of friends there and at least they helped me to get back into reality quicker. Then today’s NOC pre-departure briefing was another good chance for me to talk to people who would be going to Shanghai with me. After having such a low morale Sunday, the past two days have been good in a sense that I don’t feel so shitty already. Come to think about it, thank God that my post-overseas-holiday syndrome this time was pretty short-lived. It was unbearable while it lasted, but once it’s over, I think it’s better.

I still haven’t really got time to do a round up of the trip, and I think it might be a few days later before I actually get to do it because I have like so much work waiting for me to clear. I bought that whole lot of VCDs but I still really haven’t got the time to sit down and watch them.

I would be in school tomorrow to do more work, and possibly going over to PGP for the Christmas celebration thingy in the evening. It would be nice to see some of the RAs there. Of course there are a few that I’d rather not see, but then most of them are OK. Well, I’ll see about that. If I have the mood and the time I won’t mind dropping by to see them for a while, but if I’ve got loads of work to clear, then I’ll give that a miss. I don’t think I won’t have other chances to see them anyway.

I hope I can sleep well tonight. Waking up late tomorrow would do nicely as well.

Normal service has resumed… or has it?

For those of you who have been scared by my journal entry yesterday I’m sorry. I guess it’s that kind of post-overseas-holiday syndrome that is acting up again, and perhaps this time the relapse is kinda strong. But whatever it is, being with my group of friends here certainly made life much easier to bear. I’m feeling OK already. I really am. It’s just a little tantrum, nothing more than that. Just that I still miss the neon lights back home.

In any case I spent the whole day in school today doing a lot of things. And while doing the things I realised quite a lot of things in the process. One thing that I found out is that it absolutely sucks to be trying to explain certain things to people who absolutely don’t understand what you are talking about. It’s like you don’t know what they want, and chances are they also don’t know what they want. They just say “go ahead and get it done” but they just don’t understand certain things aren’t as easy as frying an egg or boiling water, especially when you come to things like programming. A bug in a program can’t be killed by spraying insecticide, if you actually realise.

Spent the afternoon in Comp Club office doing yet more work. I’ve already spent about 3 hours going through all the emails and replying to those that I have to reply to, and this afternoon I spent more time doing up things that I’m supposed to be doing. Come to think about it, it was really a bad thing that my laptop didn’t return to me before I left for Hong Kong. If it did, I probably won’t be as busy now.

I’ve got a case study to read but I think I’ll leave it to the bus ride tomorrow morning – that is if I manage not to fall asleep on the bus itself. Another long day ahead… I hope I’d enjoy it.

And I still haven’t got time to unpack yet. All these work is making me crazy.

I’m back in Singapore. But heck, I don’t half feel good about being back here. I always feel crappy about coming back to Singapore after a trip to Hong Kong, but this time it’s much worse. So bad that I can’t take it at all.

My mood started to turn for the worse the moment I stepped into the Hong Kong airport. I felt so shitty about having to come back that I couldn’t even force myself to smile at the immigration officer. When I was on the plane, I almost wanted something to happen to the plane so it would be forced to return to Hong Kong. Then subsequently my mind started drifting away. I feel so horrible that I was actually contemplating not going to Shanghai and not doing my honours, and just do my final semester and graduate in half a year’s time so that I can go back to Hong Kong immediately. It sounds very irresponsible, but I just can’t bear to leave that place. It doesn’t help when there are things happening along the way to screw my day further. I have to admit – this place is really not for me, no matter how much I try to force myself to believe it. I am suited for life there, not here. It’s like, I was kinda alone throughout the last few days of my stay there and yet I had so much fun; but over here I have a lot of so-called friends, but I still feel lonely pretty often. And of course it doesn’t help when the weather is so horrible here. I felt so bad on the plane that I was close to tears on more than one occasion. Laugh at me if you want, but I really was feeling terribly down just now. I think the flight attendants kinda noticed that and they left me alone throughout the entire journey. Out of the so many times of my trips to Hong Kong, this return trip has to be the worst ever. When the coastline of Singapore appeared, I almost wanted to hide myself somewhere.

I have to get out of here. It sucks to be missing the place even before I leave.