I’m back in Singapore. But heck, I don’t half feel good about being back here. I always feel crappy about coming back to Singapore after a trip to Hong Kong, but this time it’s much worse. So bad that I can’t take it at all.

My mood started to turn for the worse the moment I stepped into the Hong Kong airport. I felt so shitty about having to come back that I couldn’t even force myself to smile at the immigration officer. When I was on the plane, I almost wanted something to happen to the plane so it would be forced to return to Hong Kong. Then subsequently my mind started drifting away. I feel so horrible that I was actually contemplating not going to Shanghai and not doing my honours, and just do my final semester and graduate in half a year’s time so that I can go back to Hong Kong immediately. It sounds very irresponsible, but I just can’t bear to leave that place. It doesn’t help when there are things happening along the way to screw my day further. I have to admit – this place is really not for me, no matter how much I try to force myself to believe it. I am suited for life there, not here. It’s like, I was kinda alone throughout the last few days of my stay there and yet I had so much fun; but over here I have a lot of so-called friends, but I still feel lonely pretty often. And of course it doesn’t help when the weather is so horrible here. I felt so bad on the plane that I was close to tears on more than one occasion. Laugh at me if you want, but I really was feeling terribly down just now. I think the flight attendants kinda noticed that and they left me alone throughout the entire journey. Out of the so many times of my trips to Hong Kong, this return trip has to be the worst ever. When the coastline of Singapore appeared, I almost wanted to hide myself somewhere.

I have to get out of here. It sucks to be missing the place even before I leave.