Calming down.

I’m still upset about the way my first draft was deemed as trash. So upset that I did two things:

1. Sent an email to my supervisor saying that I’m not really impressed with his choice of words. I know I risk getting hammered by him but hey, something has to be done. I don’t like his way of putting people down. I already don’t really care if I get a second upper or a second lower, so he can hammer me for all I care.

2. I went for a run.

The run didn’t exactly do wonders to my spirits, but I managed to calm down a bit and sit in front of my MacBook and try to start writing my second draft. It wasn’t easy considering the first draft was so bad that virtually the entire thing has to be re-written. Perhaps the only good thing would have been that I don’t have to re-do the entire literature review section, which is a killer, because I’ve already gotten the things that I would need to do citations. I’ve gotten the version 2 of the introduction section out, now let’s see if it is just as trashy, or slightly less trashy that doesn’t require a total re-write.

I think I might really go into a quarrel with my supervisor when I see him tomorrow. Well, 10553 words of trash. Even if he doesn’t appreciate the content he should at least appreciate the effort, right?

“Nah, your first draft is just rubbish that totally wastes my time.”

He didn’t say that to me, but I know that’s what he’s saying to himself after enduring that 10553 words worth of trash.

First draft = trash.

Got back some comments on my first draft. Just like what I expected, my supervisor thought it was trash. It didn’t really surprise me, considering he’s got this big ego about him that he thinks everyone else’s work is not worthy.

What I hate about his comments is that he doesn’t seem entirely encouraging in his words – though I never expected him to be. But why put 20 question marks when one does the job? What is he exactly trying to show me? Then he keeps on harping about the fact that this is missing, that is missing, blah blah blah… c’mon la, since when have you ever taught me how to write a HYP report? All you were saying is “go and read journal papers”… there are a million and one journal papers out there, do you expect me to read all the million of them? Every paper has a different way of presenting, so which is the right one? Instead of dishing out encouragement, he’s only good at knocking me down and make me feel trashy and worthless. Or maybe I am trashy and worthless in his opinion.

All in all, it was as good as I didn’t submit a first draft at all cos I have to rewrite the entire thing altogether.

If NUS is to lose a postgrad prospect, I’m sure the graduate division would know who to point their fingers to.

HYP First Draft Word Count.

Click on the picture for a better view:

I think that’s the first time I’ve managed to write so much.

Off to sleep – more work tomorrow.

Rest.

A brief full-day rest today as I submitted the first draft of my HYP report to my supervisor yesterday. Though I have the feeling that he isn’t exactly interested about it. Oh well.

I received a letter from NUS, or more specifically SOC yesterday and the letter was signed by Dr. Wynne Hsu, the Vice Dean for graduate studies. Guess what the letter was for – they are inviting me to do my postgraduate studies in SOC. I had a laugh and decided to put it aside temporarily. Maybe they should read my journal to realise that I’m not entirely impressed with my research experience for my HYP. Like what I’ve said, I would not want to do my postgrad in NUS because my experience in the HYP was just so bad that I’m left totally disappointed. I didn’t get the support that I was expecting – it felt almost like my project is just not important. Besides, the amount of allowance they pay postgrad students is peanuts compared to other universities (City University of Hong Kong pays HK$12860, which is about S$2500; NUS pays $1500). But whatever it is, it feels good to receive the letter – at least they think I’m probably good enough for postgraduate studies.

That said, I still haven’t really figure out what I’m planning to do after I graduate. Is it going to be more studying, or is it jumping to the workforce. It’s not just about what I want to do, but also about what my family needs are. I can’t just go into a postgraduate course without worrying about the financial impact that it would bring, even though at least NUS has promised me that I will be given the research scholarship which waives the tuition fee and provide a monthly allowance on top of that. It’s like, I may not need to pay tuition fees, but other costs in life would still need to be addressed to. I have to repay my tuition fee loan, which probably ran to a fairly high amount considering that I’ve been studying for the past 4 and a half years. Then I have to finance my old laptop which doesn’t function any more. And then I also have my flat in Hong Kong to finance, after some utterly crazy and stupid words said by my dad led to my tenant moving out. All these things need to be thrashed out before I can really decide what I want to do.

Two roads lie ahead – postgraduate studies or work? Given that I can earn some form of living doing either one, it’s a tough choice.