Writer.

There’s a part of me that likes to write stories, and I usually have a knack about writing side stories from those good drama series, either as a continuation of the dramas themselves, or a side-track story about one of the characters. Of course, given my habit of serious procrastination and constant liking for something new, I never quite got to finish any of those stories that I have always been wanting to write. The furthest I went was 3 pages, and that was it. Make no mistake, I like to put my creativity into words and share with everyone, it’s just that sometimes I could muster only the beginning, and then the ideas ran out, and then the whole thing just stopped there. Pretty much like my own life, really. And to be honest, this madness of mine about all things Korean is about the longest craze that I’ve ever had.

To be honest, I have not been in the best of moods for a long time. I guess it all goes down to the fact that I’m not really good in handling interpersonal relationships, and in particular, relationships with people whom I’m fond of. I mean, it’s like, I am always caught in the middle between showing affection and showing discern towards the people I’m fond of. And when that happens, I would get upset with myself. I was recently caught in a squabble with someone whom I actually like, and I think that squabble is still affecting me emotionally until today. I’m not saying I’m depressed, but it’s just that I feel horrible to be showing her discern when I face her, because I know she’s probably still upset with me. Of course, like I always say, maybe the feeling is one-way and she actually hates me all along (y’know, it’s so easy to hate me that it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how). If she has been hating me all along and let me know about it, I would have been fine and be professional about it. But it sucks when I don’t know what she’s thinking and I am this miserable bloke who’s trying to figure out what she’s thinking. You know, that kind of “wanting to get near, but worried about getting hurt” syndrome? I probably am suffering from that.

Strange enough though, for those of you who have been following my little journal for the past couple of years, you’d know that I’ve once said that “girls who appear in my dreams as my girlfriends never end up as my girlfriends in real life”, and this girl has not appeared (yet) for all these while. Those that have appeared were either attached to someone, engaged, married, or have a few kids already. Is that a sign? Or maybe she’d suddenly turn up tonight?

By the way, I have not been able to sleep well since coming back from Korea. Not that I miss Korea that much to be losing sleep, but it’s just that I really don’t have a conducive sleeping environment in Hong Kong.