Review.

Usually I would do a recap of the year on the last day of the year.  But this year is a little special.  It’s not like it’s that special, but I kinda had too much to drink just now during the dinner with my friends so I’m not really sober in that sense, meaning that I can’t really remember that well what happened in 2013.  I mean, I could remember, it’s just that I couldn’t really put them into a proper journal entry.  But don’t worry, I’m do it very soon so that you won’t miss out on what happened in 2013 for me.

I kinda just came back from a rather mad dinner with my fellow Toastmasters Club members where they made me drink – it’s not like they were forcing me to drink, but it was more like none of them could drink very well so I was left with the task of not leaving any alcohol behind.  I wasn’t one who like leaving alcohol untouched, after all…

When I look back at 2013, I would say it was a really eventful year.  I had my fair share of ups and downs – it started with a down, but it definitely ended with an up!  I think I could probably say this only with the influence of alcohol – when 2013 first started I really hated it, because I started the year with a failure – I failed with my nth love subject, getting rejected yet again.  I thought I would never fall in love again.  But 2013 had really taught me that there were more to life than just romance.  And I end the year seriously thinking that I could fall in love with someone again, even though that person is kinda far from me as far as distance is concerned.  But you know you are in love with someone when you start missing her the moment you said goodbye!  I don’t know if things are going to work out, but even if it doesn’t I wouldn’t be too disappointed because I know I have all the great friends to back me up over chicken and beer.

If I have to sum up 2013 with a song, it probably would have been this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAM9diIDHqs

I know it’s an old song, but hey, we get knocked down, we get up again, and nothing is ever going to keep us down!  That should be the way we live our lives, right?

Future.

Some of you probably have realized by now that I’ve actually gotten a promotion at work.  Not exactly something to be overly delighted about because ultimately, things that I have to be doing are still the same, and I have more to look after now.  Obviously I appreciated that my bosses thought that I was good for the job, and I’d just want to keep working hard.  My portfolio at work has changed quite a bit, and I am now part of something big and I hope to be able to handle all these.  It’s not going to be easy, so I need all your prayers and support.  After this promotion, I am actually finding myself to be even more involved with work, but at the same time, I am worried that I would be consumed by only work.  I am still trying to leave office early, but I am seeing my knock-off timing getting pushed back further and further.  Some of my colleagues who have been used to doing that would probably think that there’s no big deal with that, but for me, it’s almost like a whole new ball game that I’m trying hard to get used to.  But I know I could do it – after all, I got through a difficult period at the start of my current job and did decently enough, so I guess I would be able to do it.

One thing though that I am getting a little concerned is actually my future.  I mean, I have a decent job that pays well, I have my own apartment to live in, I have some decent academic qualifications – all seem good, doesn’t it?  But recently I have been thinking about going back to school to study.  I know I already have a Masters degree, but let’s be honest, that Masters degree isn’t really helping me with my job except that it allows me to have a slightly higher pay.  And it’s actually my dream to be able to study abroad.  I never had the chance to study out of a place that I’m familiar with, and I hope to be able to do that sometime in the future.  I know there would be a lot of things to worry about before I could actually take that step, but I’d like to keep that dream going.  I’m not sure where I want to go yet, but I see my future being in Asia, so probably somewhere in Asia would be good.  And you’ve guessed it, I’m thinking about Korea.  One of the reasons is obviously my interest in the country, but to be really honest, I just thought that this country is pretty amazing.  Completely destroyed because of the war 60 years ago, and now being one of the biggest economies in the world, as well as a highly technologically advanced country.  The experience is definitely something to learn from, and if I were to come back to Hong Kong or Singapore after that, it would be something to take home with.  And of course, and perhaps most importantly, there is another selfish reason to it.

By the way, some of you guys were getting a little bit over-excited about the picture I posted in the last entry (as well as on my Facebook), but let me clarify certain things.  I’m sure all of you have, at some stage of your life, be a fan of some artist, footballers, or famous people in general.  The pretty lady, whom I took a cute picture with, is actually a radio DJ and a former artist with one of the biggest entertainment companies in Korea.  And because I listen to her program very frequently, we kinda know each other and I make it a point to visit her at the studio every time I go to Korea.  So it’s not what you lot are thinking about.  As I always say, there’s always more than meets the eye, and there are times that you have to see beyond the surface.  If you are really keen to find out more about that, my next chicken and beer session would be on you.  Hahaha.

Matchmaking.

It’s not news that I’ve been single for awhile, and my parents (in particular my dad) seems to be more concerned than I am about this. Whenever my dad is in town he would go on and on about asking me to find a girlfriend and to get married. Sometimes he would call me from Singapore to tell me such things. To say that I’m irritated is an understatment – but things just have to get worse.

Last Monday he called me while I was having a drink with my friends, and told me that one of my uncles was trying to arrange something and wanted me to meet this girl. I was thinking “what the heck” and immediately told him that I’m not interested and got him to stop doing such things. Instead of trying to listen to me, he was trying to convince me – and I’m putting it nicely – to go for it. He was harping on about I’m not getting any younger, and I should stop procastinating, etc etc. I was really irritated and wanted to cut him off the line, but since I didn’t really want to do that, I just told him that I’ll sort it out with that uncle myself. I thought that was enough to shut him up and leave me alone. But instead, he called me again yesterday and asked me if I had gone back to my uncle. I told him no and more importantly, I did not want to do that. I wasn’t interested and I wasn’t going to change my mind. Again, instead of accepting my point of view, he went on again to say that I should meet her – to an extent that I felt I was forced to do that. It left a really sour taste for me.

When I told my sister about that, she shared a story with me which I thought was just horrible. My dad is even trying to talk to my friends to try to “sell me off” to them. It was annoying enough to have him make me go for these matchmaking meetings, but to get my friends involved is just way out of order.

This morning my uncle called and asked me, and I thanked him for trying to arrange but I really wasn’t interested. He sounded cool and said it was OK. And that was the end of the story, at least for me.

To be honest, the reason why I didn’t want to do this introducing and matchmaking thing is that I find it just so awkward. I mean, I don’t mind meeting new people in a normal setting – my friends from the football circle, my Toastmasters friends, etc can all testify to that – but I just think it’s so weird to be meeting a particular person that I don’t know through this kind of arranged meeting. It’s like, everyone at the table knows what this meeting is all about, and to meet someone that I don’t know for that purpose is just so odd to me. Perhaps some people don’t think that’s a problem, but to me it is. After all, if I don’t even feel comfortable going for this, how would I be comfortable talking to the girl that’s there? I probably want to get out of the place before I even arrive and since that’s the case, why should I put myself, and probably the other person, through that kind of discomfort?

And besides, I think I have someone in mind – I don’t know if the feeling is reciprocal, but it could be something that I want to work towards as well, though it might be a bit hard since she’s not someone living in the same place as I do right now (you may try to guess where if you’re really that free). Given that, that’s even more reasons for me not to do this matchmaking thing. I believe in love at first sight, but I don’t think that applies in a matchmaking session.

And yeah, I’m expecting an earful from my dad if he finds out that I’ve rejected the meeting.

아… 짜증나.

Writer.

There’s a part of me that likes to write stories, and I usually have a knack about writing side stories from those good drama series, either as a continuation of the dramas themselves, or a side-track story about one of the characters. Of course, given my habit of serious procrastination and constant liking for something new, I never quite got to finish any of those stories that I have always been wanting to write. The furthest I went was 3 pages, and that was it. Make no mistake, I like to put my creativity into words and share with everyone, it’s just that sometimes I could muster only the beginning, and then the ideas ran out, and then the whole thing just stopped there. Pretty much like my own life, really. And to be honest, this madness of mine about all things Korean is about the longest craze that I’ve ever had.

To be honest, I have not been in the best of moods for a long time. I guess it all goes down to the fact that I’m not really good in handling interpersonal relationships, and in particular, relationships with people whom I’m fond of. I mean, it’s like, I am always caught in the middle between showing affection and showing discern towards the people I’m fond of. And when that happens, I would get upset with myself. I was recently caught in a squabble with someone whom I actually like, and I think that squabble is still affecting me emotionally until today. I’m not saying I’m depressed, but it’s just that I feel horrible to be showing her discern when I face her, because I know she’s probably still upset with me. Of course, like I always say, maybe the feeling is one-way and she actually hates me all along (y’know, it’s so easy to hate me that it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how). If she has been hating me all along and let me know about it, I would have been fine and be professional about it. But it sucks when I don’t know what she’s thinking and I am this miserable bloke who’s trying to figure out what she’s thinking. You know, that kind of “wanting to get near, but worried about getting hurt” syndrome? I probably am suffering from that.

Strange enough though, for those of you who have been following my little journal for the past couple of years, you’d know that I’ve once said that “girls who appear in my dreams as my girlfriends never end up as my girlfriends in real life”, and this girl has not appeared (yet) for all these while. Those that have appeared were either attached to someone, engaged, married, or have a few kids already. Is that a sign? Or maybe she’d suddenly turn up tonight?

By the way, I have not been able to sleep well since coming back from Korea. Not that I miss Korea that much to be losing sleep, but it’s just that I really don’t have a conducive sleeping environment in Hong Kong.

Mood.

Strangely, I woke up feeling a bit weird today, and definitely wasn’t in a good mood. I don’t know what hit me, but it’s just that I’m not feeling too good about myself today. I guess there’s always times when one doesn’t feel right even though nothing is wrong. I have quite a bit of things going on in my head – work, life, love, and the lot. I guess for people around my age we start to think a bit too much.

I would say that I can’t really complain about the life that I’m living now. Not the best life, but I guess it’s one that is already better than a lot of people. I mean, there are certain areas that I think I could do better in, but I think overall I should be satisfied on how life has been treating me so far. It’s not like I’m struggling to make ends meet, or have any serious hardships. I mean, hardships, they are always there, but mine are probably pretty manageable. I still pretty much am on my own, that’s probably the only down side. And seeing my friends from college and senior high school getting married and having kids, sometimes I do think a bit more towards that direction. But what to do, I’m never one who knows how to handle relationships well, so things have never worked out so far. As much as I look forward to one, I am also afraid of how to handle one. I don’t know how the future’s going to be, but before that happens, I probably would live the way that I have been living, and perhaps pray to God that something good would happen to me. It’s in His plans, I believe.

Anyway life has pretty much gone back to normal after my one-week holiday and it’s good that this period really isn’t the busiest period of the year, and I am able to catch a breather and sort out some of the work that has been waiting for me for a while. And in the meanwhile, I look forward to my next holiday…